I recently completed 6 weeks of radiation to treat a cancer that was supposed to have been resolved with the removal of my prostate. The surgery had already dashed one of my life’s goals – to exit this world with all the parts with which I arrived. Notwithstanding, it seemed a prudent decision so as to forestall an early departure. But I digress. With the completion of the radiation, I am now in a nether world of uncertainty. I return to the doctor at the end of next month at which time I will learn whether or not I still have cancer. I’ve referred to my present state with my daughter as Schrödinger’s cancer because, like the cat he postulated, the present state of my cancer will be unknown until viewed. If, like the cat, viewing affects the result, I strive to remain positive in hope of gaining a positive result, though I don’t recall a positive attitude playing any role in quantum mechanics.
The challenge for me in doing this is that I am not entirely certain I either want a positive outcome or if I believe that more time on this earth is God’s will for me. Life has always been a tenuous affair – amazing in the miracle of its existence and frightening in the reality of its fragility. That the mutation of one gene can result in such extraordinary changes boggles my mind. I reflect on this when I consider the miracles that Jesus performed during his earthly ministry. When he directed the man with the withered hand to extend it and then made it whole like the other, what was happening? I don’t believe that Jesus considered bone structure, tendons, arteries, veins, and capillaries while healing this man, but yet all of these were healed. When Jesus raised Lazarus from death, He not only addressed the cause of Lazarus’ death, but also the decomposition that followed. When God created man, He created him whole. He didn’t first draft instructions and then put us together like a model kit – Hmmmm, Let’s see… I’ll add the arms later… No, He created us whole and complete.
I’ve often wondered about Lazarus, post-resurrection. I am confident that if he previously had a limp, he no longer did. If he had lost a finger in a threshing accident, the finger was restored. Jesus was the Great Physician – He did not treat symptoms, He restored. Jesus did not say “I think I can make it better”, He made it new. He healed the lame – they did not hobble away with their miracle, they walked, ran, or danced away. He healed the blind – they did not squint and struggle to find their way home, they went boldly with clear vision.
As I consider this, my mind selfishly wanders back to my own situation. Jesus could heal me. In fact, He already may have healed me. But His purpose in performing the miracles He did during his earthly ministry was to bear witness as to who He was, not to preserve flesh. Jesus told us that God is a Spirit and must be worshipped in spirit1. So, as we strenuously cling to the flesh that shrouds our spirits, it is important to remember that God places us here in this world for a season, and that season is in furtherance of His purpose. Just as I wouldn’t pray that God stay Summer and Winter that I might enjoy a longer Spring, so I wouldn’t ask for more days than he has willed for me. When Job said “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”2, that was a statement of total submission and certainty that God would preserve and deliver him beyond the confines of his earthly body.
So, regardless of the result I may experience, I praise God and thank Him for His goodness and mercy to me. My positive attitude rests in the certainty that His will shall be done, regardless of the outcome.
1 John 4:24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
2 Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.
In a dry and thirsty land 