When Christ was crucified, we are told in Matthew 27 that the curtain was torn from top to bottom, revealing the Holy of Holies to all those present. What does this mean? It means that the barrier between us and God had been eliminated, as we now had clear and unobstructed access to God through the person of Jesus Christ. And to what did we gain access? We gained access to truth. Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one comes unto the Father, but by Me”.

Throughout history curtains have been used as symbols of the barriers between us and the truth. In the movie “The Wizard of Oz” who can forget the little dog Toto pulling back the curtain in the great hall , exposing the truth behind the Great and Powerful Oz? We are living today in a world full of metaphorical curtains obscuring the truth, and if you even suggest the existence of the curtains, or worse, acknowledge that you are aware of them, you are likely to find yourself marginalized. This has not been an issue for me, as throughout my life I have counted on curtains to conceal ugly truths. A nice brocade was always more attractive than the view that lay beyond.

A month ago I was happily claiming to be a cancer survivor. Today I still make the claim, but it is with the awareness that survival is a process, not a momentary accomplishment. All the while I was claiming to be a survivor, I was aware of some changes that, in hindsight, could be indicative of a resurgence of cancer. I cracked open the curtains and reported these to my HMO and they did tests, but they were not testing in context of my prior cancer, but instead were testing as though these symptoms were appearing in someone with no prior medical history. I was okay with this, because the brocade was comforting. It was only when I pressed for the testing that would indicate if my cancer had returned that the trajectory of my survival changed. Why did the HMO perform so poorly? I was warned for years that my HMO had a history of doing everything right, but not doing it fast enough. When your house is on fire, putting the flames out should be a higher priority than testing for causes and debating strategies for extinguishing the conflagration. Why didn’t I act sooner? My family has had the tradition of hoping for the best and ignoring the rest – hanging curtains. That tradition may be contributory to the fact that so many of them are no longer above ground.

I share this because this mindset appears to be prevalent in our society today. We have now had seven months of an administration the actions and inactions of which have systematically devastated every aspect of our nation.

• Border in shambles.
• Covid pandemic continuing.
• Freedoms being eroded.
• Abandonment of friends and allies.
• Rampant inflation.
• Stunning deficits.

Whether you acknowledge all of these or any of them, it is indicative of having elected a president who is cognitively impaired and who, in his most lucid moments, is making decisions that reflect limited comprehension and understanding. My HMO could assess his current competency, but we wouldn’t learn the results until he was overtly slack-jawed and drooling in public. But in truth, we don’t want to know the truth. Curtains are so much more reassuring. I’m sure there is someone back there who knows what they’re doing. There are too many of us invested through our arguments or our votes who do not want an assessment of the emperor’s new wardrobe, and we will challenge and shout down anyone who speculates regarding the truth. You’re not a doctor! You’re not a tailor!

The time has come, though, where the consequences of our denial have become too great. The curtain has been torn asunder. Innocent people whose only mistake was to trust us are being slaughtered. Those who actively concealed the president’s decline are actively trying to distract and obfuscate, but as we see desperate innocents falling to their death from our aircraft as we execute a humiliating and unplanned retreat, we can no longer retreat from the reality before our eyes.

At least we can console ourselves that we have an able and competent vice-president waiting in the wings. Wait – Isn’t she the same person who advanced her career by engaging in an extramarital affair with the notorious Willie Brown in California? Old news. No way to assess whether her relationship was based on either affection or avarice. And although she helped Willie violate his vows, they weren’t hers. Wait – Isn’t she the same person who prosecuted minor marijuana offenders in California until it was no longer fashionable? Isn’t she the failed presidential candidate whose principles have been consistently shaped by results of the current polls? Isn’t she the one who has been an abject failure as vice-president?

Someone bring us a curtain! We are left between a rock and a hard place; forced to choose between the decrepit and the cretinous. How did we come to be here? Well, the election of 2020 was the fulcrum. We had an incumbent president we were told was a tyrant, a racist, a would-be Hitler. On the other side we had good-old Joe. The media assiduously managed the message, lest the success of the former and the corruption of the latter would come to light and possibly result in a fair election. No Russians needed, as the tech oligarchs in our own country were colluding to control the outcome. As votes were counted, there was a pause after which the Rosie Ruiz of electoral candidates then suddenly seized the lead.

Was the election stolen? There are certainly anomalies that raise questions, but the HMO, pardon me, DOJ was in no hurry to investigate. What would be the reaction if it was discovered that the tech giants in tandem with either our intelligence community or the Chinese Communist Party had placed their thumbs on the scale? The truth would be too ugly, too reflective of government failures. This is why you can speculate with wild abandon on social media about fake moon landings, assassination conspiracies, international organizations in the shadows pulling the levers of power. However, speculate about the 2020 election and you will be shut down. Not only will you be banished from social media, you will likely be placed on a list of potential domestic terrorists.

There must be some truth in the speculation if our government and tech oligarchs (are they different?) are so invested in suppression. I didn’t invest much in the speculation, since we have had stolen elections before and, once stolen, they tend to stay stolen. But I find my hope for the best, ignore the rest mindset no longer serves me or our country writ large. It’s time to tear down the curtain. It’s time for investigation, examination, and review, as we cannot allow this cancer on our nation to metastasize. I continue to take comfort, though, that in all things we are under the umbrella of God’s will. I am confident and grateful that His will shall be done.

The Valley of the Shadow of Death – doesn’t sound too appealing. Any savvy real estate developer would change that name in a heartbeat. Perhaps Shady Valley – no, shady suggests dishonesty… Cool Valley – no, cool has too many alternative meanings… Green Valley – no, sounds too eco-progressive and restrictive… Peaceful Valley – that’s the ticket! It reminds me of an exit off of Interstate 8 driving east through the high desert. There was actually an exit for a place called Earthquake Valley! But, when real estate development came along, they prudently renamed it Peaceful Valley. After all, purchasing a home in Earthquake Valley might be a shaky investment.

Although David references the Valley of the Shadow of Death in the 23^rd Psalm, you won’t find it on any map. But why should it be, since we are all smack-dab in the middle of it, and the only way out is via hearse. Should we be worried, though? Possibly, if we haven’t made plans. Imagine finding yourself in an airport and being forced to board a plane. Fear of flying notwithstanding, the thought of boarding holds no fear if you have already booked your flight and know your destination. Otherwise, you are at the whim of forces beyond your control or understanding. Although there are pleasant destinations, there are unpleasant ones as well. If you haven’t arranged to have a seat, you may be sent as cargo. Planning is important.

I am grateful that I have an open ticket to board whenever I should find myself in the airport. I am grateful, too, that my ticket was already paid for by someone who gave His all so that I could have this assurance. I am most grateful, though, for those precious souls in my life who showed me this truth and explained that my ticket was waiting at will-call.  It gives new meaning to John Denver’s “Leaving on a Jet Plane”.

Seats are still available, and it’s never too early to make your reservation. All you have to do is contact your travel agent, Jesus, and let Him know that you want to take advantage of His generous offer. You don’t even have to use your Frequent Flier miles.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – We’ve all heard this gem of ancient Chinese philosophy, but have we taken a moment to consider its meaning? As Christians, we identify with Jesus Christ who told us that He was the Way. The early church, which significantly identified themselves as Followers of the Way, understood that identifying with and accepting the sacrifice of Jesus was not a moment, but was a journey. Jesus said “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God”. We were all born once, but that birth was into the certainty of death. To be born again is to be born into the certainty of life. How many of us, though, were stillborn? It may not mean that we will not receive God’s promise, as that judgment is God’s to make. It does mean that we do not experience the fullness of walking in the Spirit, of growing in faith, of gaining a greater awareness of who we are and what has been purposed for our lives.

When I reach into the glovebox of my car I find an owner’s manual. It instructs me on how the car works, but it says nothing about where I can go. However, I need to know the former before I can explore the latter. The Bible does the same thing in our lives. It sets parameters for operation and fosters an understanding of who we are, but it leaves it to us to explore where we can go – where following the Way will take us.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Wear comfortable shoes!

In the book of John, Chapter 8, we are told the story of a woman caught in the act of adultery who is brought before Jesus:

³ And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

⁴ They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

⁵ Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

⁶ This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

⁷ So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

⁸ And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

⁹ And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

¹⁰ When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

¹¹ She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

Many expositions have been written about this passage. The motives of the scribes and Pharisees is obvious. They are seeking to trick Jesus into either affirming Moses against the Roman law or affirming the Roman law against Moses. Some suggest that Jesus wrote their sins on the ground, which convicted them to leave. Others suggest that Jesus forgave the woman as a demonstration of His power as God. Some see it as a lesson in the hypocrisy of the scribes and Pharisees.

As a simple man, I can extend my interpretation with the certainty that it can be easily discounted. Nonetheless, here goes. Everyone who came before Jesus in this passage is guilty of adultery. The scribes and Pharisees have pledged themselves to serving God, but they have supplanted God with the law. As they approach Jesus, they address Him as Master (Teacher in other translations), but they do not accept Him as such. They don’t accept that He is their master or teacher, much less the Son of God. In their address of Him they flatter and pander while concealing their true purpose to try and ensnare Him so that they may condemn Him. Their motivations in coming before Him convicted them of the same spiritual adultery of which God convicted Israel in the book of Hosea. The woman they brought with them may have been guilty of physical adultery, but she was merely a pawn in their ploy.

What did Jesus write in the dirt that day? We don’t know, and neither probably did the scribes and Pharisees. Have you ever written in the dirt? It is nearly impossible to decipher even if you are the one doing the writing. The scribes and Pharisees knew their guilt in their hearts and feared what he might be writing.

At the end of the passage, all have left. Of them, who did Jesus condemn? No one. Of them, who did Jesus forgive? No one. Jesus did not forgive anyone but simply said that he did not condemn anyone. Throughout his earthly ministry, Jesus did not condemn anyone. His purpose was to share the gospel, even as He has likewise commissioned us to do. The scribes, Pharisees, and the accused woman left that encounter with neither condemnation nor absolution; but all left with the opportunity for salvation. What they made of that opportunity is unknown to us. The Bible tells us that there will be a judgment day, but it wasn’t that day.  

I suspect that Father’s Day was ultimately a creation of greeting card companies who, having had such great success with Mother’s Day, saw a further opportunity to cash in. Cynicism aside, though, it has always afforded me the opportunity to reflect on the fathers in my life and their contribution, for good or ill, in making me the person I am today.

My father was a flawed man – brilliant but damaged. His emotional growth was stunted by a painful upbringing making him an emotional cripple for the duration of his life. However, he modeled for me some overriding traits that I can’t dismiss. He worked hard to support his family, he didn’t physically abuse or cheat on my mother, and he loved his children in the best way that he could. Although he didn’t physically abuse my mother, he was physically abusive to his children. Living with him was always a constrained terror for both my sister and me, and the oppressiveness we felt took a toll on my mother. I hated him and I loved him. That both emotions could reside in one heart at the same time presented a dichotomy with which I still grapple. For all of the challenges though of having him in my life, I deeply miss him since his death and regret the conversations that we never had.

My father-in-law was a better man. He possessed a good heart, but made some poor choices. He compromised in quest of a peace that he never obtained. He was, though, a man of deep faith whose counsel to me was invaluable in the months preceding his death. Though my marriage has ended, he is the one person from that family with whom I connected and whom I miss.

At this point in my life, my Heavenly Father is the only father with whom I still enjoy a clear and present relationship; and it is in reflecting on that relationship that I have come to realize a deeper, more personal meaning behind Father’s Day.

As Father’s Day approaches this year, our children hopefully will remember their fathers. They may call, write, visit, send a gift or card, or perhaps the day will pass unnoticed. I realize, though, that there is only one thing I want for Father’s Day and it is the same thing our Heavenly Father wants – Relationship. God wants a relationship with all of His children, and he has sacrificed so much to make that possible. Everything else we might offer is as filthy rags to God, but He seeks relationship and connection with His children. This has been His goal since creation and it has been the one thing we have been so reluctant to give Him. When I think of my own children, I can be grateful for the cards, the texts, the visits; but I want something that is not borne out of obligation but a desire to have me in their lives. So it is that God doesn’t want us to try to be good, to make a donation to a Christian charity, to attend church on Sundays – He doesn’t want an obligatory gift, He wants a relationship with us. He has sacrificed his own Son so that we might be able to enjoy such a relationship, but too many of us don’t want to accept His gift.

This Father’s Day, why don’t we take the time to invest in a relationship that is deep and eternal. In so doing, we may discover that we’re the ones who’ve received a Father’s Day gift.

I should be good, I try to be, but then I know I fail

For all my efforts, good or bad, the mirror tells the tale

My skin is black, no matter what, and so it is I’m fated

To be reviled, subservient, and if I disagree I’m hated.

But Martin’s dream, that one fine day my heart may then define me

But that dream requires that I must let the Hand of God refine me.

How can that be, for God is white, and has no interest in me

A victim in an unjust world is all I’m told I can be.

–

I should be good, I try to be, but then I know I fail

For all my efforts, good or bad, the mirror tells the tale.

My skin is white, no matter what, and so it is I’m fated

To oppress, supremely white, and by others to be hated

But Martin’s dream, that come one day, my color should not matter

That dream is dead, as now I’m told bad white folks own the ladder.

How can that be, that right and wrong are both embraced so blindly

If I can see both good and bad I’m racist they remind me.

–

The coin is tossed, and on each side are black and white suspended

No matter, though, how it may land, someone will be offended.

The world is topsy-turvy now, I scarcely can believe it.

All that I knew and I was taught is wrong and I must see it.

If I believe my eyes and speak, then soon they’ll light the torches

To intimidate and silence and so ensure less diverse discourses.

Free speech is fine so long as it’s in harmony with the chorus;

And you may worship who you wish so long as you bow before us.

–

Embrace the freedom of control exerted from above,

Free thought is just too dangerous, when push comes to shove.

It’s easier now, if you’ll just say we’re right and you were wrong.

And if you can say it convincingly, me might let you belong.

A doctor once revered would be dismayed to see our quick defeat.

He’d likely muse in saddened shock “to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street”.

When I worked in the California courts we had a much beloved Spanish language interpreter. Her job was to assist Spanish speaking defendants and witnesses in court proceedings so that they could understand what was happening and make an informed response. It was important that this occur in real time, otherwise they were left confused as to what had transpired. This interpreter worked for the court for many years, continuing into her 90’s. Unfortunately, the passage of the years took a toll on her skills and at the conclusion of her career it was observed that she was no longer translating in real time, but in her final court appearance leaned over to the defendant and told him “I’ll tell you later…”  This was, of course, unacceptable.

In reading and studying the Bible I came to think about her. There are many things that challenge my understanding – that is to say, things that I don’t understand at all. We are told that God is not a respecter of persons, but why would He kill countless, nameless people to make a point and to punish an earthly king as He did in the Old Testament? Did He know and love each of these that He killed? What about Job? In chapter 42 of Job we read that God replaced all that Job had lost. This may be fine for livestock, but can new children replace the children that you lost? I’ve prayed on these things, and it is almost as though the Holy Spirit answered with “I’ll tell you later…”

It was only today, though, that the Holy Spirit revealed to me a deeper understanding. Not of my questions, but of my questioning. “I’ll tell you later…” may not have been an acceptable statement for a court interpreter, but it was an appropriate answer to my questioning.  In answering in this way, the Holy Spirit showed me a pride and a hubris in me of which I must repent. For me, questioning was not idle curiosity. I wasn’t asking in wonder as a child, but was instead cross-examining as though I was a reporter on 60 Minutes “So tell me, God, if that’s your real name…” I not only possessed the pride and nerve to question God, but I was prepared to judge Him on His answers. When Job did this, God responded “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding.”₁ “I’ll tell you later” was the kindest, most loving response the Holy Spirit could have shared with me. Our knowledge now is incomplete, but will be made whole in time.₂

We have all used Google Maps or something similar. Cleverly, we tell it where we want to go, it considers where we are now, and then guides us to our destination. The application has access to a tremendous library of data, but shares only that which is useful to us in the moment. The Bible, in conjunction with the Holy Spirit, works similarly. The miraculous part is that we don’t have to input our destination to have our spiritual journey mapped out for us.

We should be grateful that God shares what we need to know and doesn’t distract us with those things that do not help us on our journey. In time, if it is instructive and helpful, the Holy Spirit may reveal many things to us in this life. In the meantime, though, we should be grateful to understand that we have a roadmap to our destination and the means to help others accompany us. Our response to “I’ll tell you later…” should be “Thank You!”

₁ Job 38:4 NKJV

₂ 1 Corinthians 13: 9-10 NKJV For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is [d]perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

Mistakes. We all make them. Truth be told, we tend to excuse our own while condemning others. But, trying to look at mistakes objectively, what should be our reaction? Let’s look at an example of two similar mistakes:

Emergency Dispatcher One: Phone call received regarding prowler outside citizen’s house. They dispatch police, but have accidentally keyed in the wrong street address.

Emergency Dispatcher Two: Phone call received regarding prowler outside citizen’s house. They dispatch police, but have accidentally keyed in the wrong street address.

Both have made the same mistake. It’s possible that they were sitting next to each other and made their respective mistakes at the same moment. As a former union representative, I would argue that the consequences should be the same for each person. However, we never have the opportunity to look at mistakes in isolation, but in context with outcomes. What were the outcomes of these identical mistakes?

Emergency Dispatcher One: The police find no such address. Citizen making report realizes the noise outside was the neighbor’s cat and goes back to sleep.

Emergency Dispatcher Two: The police find no such address. Citizen making report awaits police who never arrive. Prowler breaks into citizen’s home and sexually assaults them.

From experience, I can tell you that Emergency Dispatcher One will likely face no consequence, if the matter even reaches the attention of the HR Department. For Emergency Dispatcher Two, the consequences will be far more dire. Investigation, sanction, possible termination. An argument could be made in support or opposition to this result.

Should Emergency Dispatcher One be treated more harshly? After all, no one chooses to make a mistake. No one says “I’m going to poke a stick into the spokes of the system and see what happens…” Indeed, the absence of intent or discrete choice is what defines it as a mistake. Similarly, no one can choose the outcomes of their mistakes. Should punishment, if any, be based on what did happen or what could have happened, or should it be based solely on the mistaken act and not consider anything that came thereafter?

In hindsight, I realize that in some sense what I was arguing for as a union representative was equity. In the case of the two dispatchers, each had equality at the point of their respective mistakes and I was arguing for equal outcomes. I realize further that our perspectives shift regarding equity if we are dealing with negative or positive outcomes. The labor rep in me cannot abandon the belief that there should be equity in outcomes insofar as consequences for mistakes. Similarly, I believe in equity in the criminal justice system. I don’t believe that two criminals with similar histories accused of selling a similar amount of drugs should face disparate punishments based on the uncontrollable outcomes experienced by their customers. However, I cannot embrace the effort to enforce equity on the positive side of the scale. Equity based not on similar mistakes, but on similar opportunities.

We are seeing school systems attempt to shift standards and course offerings to achieve equity in outcome. Let’s look again at some examples:

Student One: Enters the school system at the age of 5, attending Kindergarten in a public school. This is the point of equality with other students in the system and would be characterized as “equality of opportunity”.

Student Two: Enters the school system at the age of 5, attending Kindergarten in a public school. This is the point of equality with other students in the system and would be characterized as “equality of opportunity”.

Student Three: Enters the school system at the age of 5, attending Kindergarten in a public school. This is the point of equality with other students in the system and would be characterized as “equality of opportunity”.

All things being equal, these three students have an equal opportunity to fail or succeed. Unfortunately, all things are not equal, because each student comes from a different background and home environment. Let’s compare:

Student One Background and Home Environment: Born 2 months premature. Mother used drugs during pregnancy, but is now drug-free. Father has no role in child’s life.

Student Two Background and Home Environment: Mother and Father both present. Stable home environment. Parents work in blue-collar jobs.

Student Three Background and Home Environment: Mother and Father both present. Stable home environment. Father works in white-collar job.

Now let’s look at what may be predictable results:

Student One: Minor interactions with law enforcement during adolescent years. Drops out of school at age 16.

Student Two: Graduates high school at age 18. Goes on to vocational school with plans to attend university later in life.

Student Three: Scores highly in all courses. Completes advance placement classes and receives scholarship to university.

What could be done to achieve equity in outcomes and what outcome would we deem ideal? As a parent, I would be grateful for the outcomes achieved by Students Two and Three and would be disappointed if a child of mine had the outcome of Student One. Notice that I didn’t say “achieved” regarding the outcome of Student One, because that outcome is a failure, not an achievement.

Why the disparate outcomes? They are the result of mistakes made in the lives of the students and the people around them. The biggest mistake in the moment is for school administrators to believe that they can change the outcomes without addressing the backgrounds and home environments that led to them. Perhaps Student One would have remained in school if they had not received failing grades? Perhaps Student One would have had higher self-esteem if they did not see peers they started with in kindergarten achieving greater success?

In pursuit of altering the realities of Student One’s educational experience, administrators are seeking equity by eliminating advanced placement curricula and eliminating letter grades and testing. In short, they cannot create a system wherein everyone succeeds, so they strive to create a system with a ceiling on performance. A system wherein everyone is deemed mediocre and excellence and failure are concealed.

However, there will always be excellence just as their will always be failures. These administrators are laying the foundations for a system from which excellence cannot be achieved through public education. A system that will ultimately result in even greater division in society.

As a society, we can work to achieve greater success for future generations, or in the interest of equity we can strive for a redefinition of success. A society perhaps where everyone votes, but no one reads. We should focus instead on building and ensuring equality of opportunity and strive to support the background and home environments that foster the greatest opportunity for success. But we have to realize that equity is not a goal that we can or should wish to attain. Some of us may take some comfort in knowing that we will ALL eventually achieve equity, but it will be in a nicely landscaped park setting populated with marble and bronze markers.

Feeling down about yourself? Questioning past choices and actions? Do you seek out people or books that affirm you? Do you cut yourself off from people who don’t embrace you?  Are you a grace junkie? I define the term as someone who wants grace, feels that they desperately need grace from others, and will do anything to obtain it. Many of these are Christians, but God’s grace is insufficient for them in the moment. They want to be perfect and new NOW, like the televangelist with the perfect hair and the sparkling teeth. They want grace, but they don’t understand it. Sadly, they are often so desperate for grace that they are unwilling to share it with others.

It would be wonderful if grace was like paint primer. Something you could slather on with as many coats as needed to cover all defects and provide an opaque base for an attractive finish coat. But that isn’t what God wants. Why does God tell us in the Old Testament that Moses was a murderer? Was He wanting to rub Moses’ nose in his sins? Did we have to know that Rahab was a harlot? Was that to smear her throughout time and diminish her heroism? Did we really need to know that Saul persecuted and killed Christians before becoming Paul the Apostle? The heroes of the Bible aren’t defined by their pasts, but in knowing their pasts, we can appreciate that there is hope for us.

I’ve made countless mistakes in my life – some accidental and some intentional. God forgives me for these, and has cast my sins away from me to the very depths of the ocean. But even though He does not look at me and think “there’s that reprobate sinner”, He has not and will not blot them from MY memory. If you visit a vintage car show, you will encounter some remarkably restored cars – some looking even better than when they left the factory. Talk to the owners, though, and they can likely show you a photo album of what it was like when they found it and how much work it took to transform. I once restored an antique oak barber chair (much less challenging than a car), and when it came time to part with it the buyer wanted not only the restored chair, but the pictures I had of the pile of wood and metal with which I had started. You see, the present condition is made all the more remarkable by the previous condition. So it is that in embracing who I was, where I was, what I’ve done helps me bear witness to the work of God. Like David in the Psalms, we all still walk through the valley of the shadow of death. But that shadow has been lifted from us. Notwithstanding, we will encounter many shady people on the way and some will throw shade at us for the lives we’ve lived. It’s not for them, though, that we bear witness, but for those who are like we were and long to come out of the shadows.

Returning to the vintage car metaphor, let’s say you encounter two seemingly identical cars, both looking factory-fresh. You speak to the owner of the first and he tells you that he found the car rotting in a field, rust having consumed the floorboards and trunk, window glass a distant memory; and he describes the process he undertook to bring it back to the condition you now see. It almost seems miraculous.

Then you speak to the owner of the second car. He tells you how he bought the car new, stored it in a humidity-controlled garage, only removed the factory-original plastic seat covers immediately before the show at which you’re seeing it.

If you’re looking to restore a vintage car, which of these owners might prove a resource to you? The first owner who worked a seeming miracle on his car, or the second owner who simply protected what he had? If you ARE a vintage car, which owner would you want?  

In the legal system, there are many people who pass through with alcohol and/or substance abuse problems. As a condition of probation, many are required to meet with alcohol or substance abuse counselors. In hiring for these positions, the court looks for those who have not only completed the requisite training, but for those who have overcome alcohol or substance abuse issues in their own lives. You see, a tour guide is much more helpful if they have already taken the journey you’re undertaking.

I love God. Being a rational person, a primary reason must be the grace of God and His sacrifice for me. I have to confess that this love isn’t selfless, but more transactional. If He didn’t provide an exit strategy for the things I’ve done in this world, I would probably feel differently. I suspect that is why so many do not love God – they don’t recognize or understand the value in the transaction, or perhaps don’t even believe in the offer. God knows my past, but still wants me to be with Him. This is a transaction that is rarely offered in our daily lives. This is grace. Grace which I appreciate all the more knowing that I am undeserving. Family members, loved ones, friends – all have at one time or another looked at me and have agreed with me that I am undeserving of grace. I treasure those who have extended it anyway. In my life, I don’t want people who will pretend that my past doesn’t exist, nor do I want people who will force me to relive it. Rather, I want people who in knowing my past will marvel with me at the restoration. I’m not perfect. There is still some rust in the quarter panels and the wiring under the dash is frayed and subject to sparking, but I belong to God and He is perfecting me. The work He has done is a testament to His promise. In Philippians we are assure that when God has begun a good work in us He will be faithful to complete it. Looking around at the once broken people who claimed this promise, I can trust in claiming it, too.

Failure is not an option. Certainly a principle to embrace when striving toward a goal. But, after the strife, what if failure is the result? When facing the reality of changes that have occurred in life, when you feel shattered and disconsolate, it is important to step back and assess. After my divorce, all my household possessions went into storage. Some people would have made a clean break and abandoned all that came before, but I’ve always been a fixer. When something precious falls off a shelf – CRASH, I don’t just sweep the remnants into the trash, but rather I assess the debris and determine if there is a potential for repair. In repairing something precious, it becomes more valuable to me due to the investment of time, energy, and skill needed for its restoration.

Many things that came out of storage were not as they were when they went in. Such is the nature of moving. But I have come to recognize that not everything can be fixed and, if fixable, not everything is needed any longer. Many of those things no longer needed have been discarded – regardless of their condition. Similarly, some things are needed that did not survive the move and were not fixable.  These things, too, have been discarded.

I have come to a similar realization in my emotional life as well. When I left my career, it was not because I was ready to move on, but rather because I no longer had the emotional support to endure. In fact, with the death of my mom, the decertification of a labor organization of which I was president, and the filing for divorce coming in rapid succession; I found that I no longer could perform my job to the standard which I had set for myself.

What was lost? With the death of my mom, I also lost a relationship with my sister – CRASH! Throughout my life my sister had been a confidante and an advisor. She is remarkably talented and gifted in ways that I did not fully appreciate, except in her absence.

Then the decertification of my labor organization, CRASH! I was left to question a series of decisions and actions that perhaps left it vulnerable. Even in self-questioning, I became suspicious of the motives of those who remained.

With the divorce, CRASH!  I lost the person who had run my life, raised our children, and tempered me in a way that smoothed off my rough edges and connected me with others.

With retirement, CRASH! I lost the connection to friends and associates that had leant structure to my life.

As I continue to sift through the debris, I surprisingly have found the unexpected. Not broken pieces of disconnected relationships, but rather shattered pieces of myself. In such a situation, you can pursue one of two courses of action. You can look for someone to blame, or you can set about repair. I took the first option, but in looking for who was to blame I found the guilty party amongst the shards. That mask having been pulled off, I realized that I couldn’t rebuild the person in the ruins, nor did I want to. Gratefully, God wanted to. He reminded me that His strength is made perfect in weakness, and my brokenness afforded an excellent opportunity for His strength to be made manifest.

When my ex-wife left, she gave me a book on surviving shipwrecks. I dismissed it at the time as akin to giving someone clinging to the floating wreckage of a sunken ship a DIY book on how to build your own raft. In hindsight, I recognize it was more akin to throwing a drowning man a life preserver.

God has been a life preserver for me. Not a flesh restorer, but a life preserver. An eternal life preserver. Even as He has been this, I know He is faithful to restore the precious things lost. A new act in life’s play with a more seasoned cast of characters and a role that He has been preparing me to play.