The Lord has put things on my heart before. At one time the Holy Spirit spoke to me. I, however, am a deeply flawed man and have too often yielded to my fears and inhibitions rather than God’s direction. I have done so in confidence of God’s enduring grace to forgive my intransigence. Do I have faith? Yes. Do I have enough faith? Not often. Not enough to overcome the inertia and doubt that bind me to my present path – a path that more often looks like inaction than movement. At a recent study I attended the story of Abimelech and Abraham was cited. The story from Genesis 20 tells of Abraham lying to king Abimelech, telling him that his beautiful wife Sarah was his sister rather than admitting that she was his wife. Abraham did this knowing that Abimelech would desire her and have the means to take her. He knew Abimelech would take her if she was Abraham’s sister, but not if she was Abraham’s wife. He feared though, that Abimelech would take her if she was Abraham’s widow. Abraham had greater fear than faith – to the point that God had to dissuade Abimelech, rather than encouraging Abraham. Our fears and inhibitions have a master and that master is our own egos. Our ego will restrain us as often as it will encourage us. Sometimes we mistake our ego as wisdom, which grants it an even greater voice.
As Christians, we enjoy the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. But before the Holy Spirit, we had the indwelling of our human ego. Both speak to us, one often louder than the other. We must then necessarily exercise a discerning heart to differentiate the two. Oh, that’s all. Why didn’t I think of that! I know it’s hard. I am a man that stands in the kitchen and has difficulty discerning craving from hunger, so my understanding of the nuances within my own heart is challenging and my insights are limited. Prayer is certainly helpful, but we must be mindful that our hearts can serve as an echo chamber, reflecting our own thoughts and desires back to us. Did John the Baptist pray about preaching against King Herod’s marriage? I’m confident that he did. Yet, King Herod was unaffected in his sin. Was it the leading of God or the leading of John’s ego that led to his imprisonment and his ultimate head being served up on a platter? I don’t know, but I can infer conclusions from examples shared in the Bible:
Daniel’s survival in the lions’ den? God
John the Baptist’s head becoming a party favor? Ego
I may be wrong in those conclusions, but what I am saying is that I want to be led by the Holy Spirit. I want to be yielded to His will. I do not, though, want to be spoofed by my own wicked heart. The solution is simple, but not easy. Prayer. Prayer without ceasing. Prayer while accepting the guidance of others in your life who know the Holy Spirit’s leading and perhaps more importantly have encountered your ego before. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit take the wheel and not simply be the too often ignored navigation system. Men have had an almost legendary reluctance to ask for directions, but I don’t want to wander for 40 years instead. I don’t want a bumper sticker that says “God is my Co-Pilot”. I want God to pilot my life while I sit in back and complain about legroom (I come from a stiff-necked people given to murmuring).
It’s hard. Perhaps that is the greatest proof that it’s right.
